Changing the Narrative on Being a Bitch: Episode 218


Hey sister! Welcome back to A Taylored Adventure to Happiness! If you are new, welcome! If you’re a regular, I love ya, I love ya, I love ya! 

How are you doing today? Check-in with yourself for just for a moment. And then remind yourself that you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. That is more than enough. Because wherever you’re at in the ascension process, in this expansion of your inner self towards abundance you are doing the best you can with what the universe has given you. And that’s really fucking awesome. Take a deep breath and remind yourself of that right now. 

As we are going through this ascension process together, I know a lot of you who have been having some incredible breakthroughs. I love it! I’m so psyched about this. And that is why I wanted to share with you guys a huge breakthrough I had recently that rocked my entire world. 

Here’s a hint: it’s about being a bitch. Yep, you heard me right. Today, we’re gonna dive fully into an old societal narrative that is long overdue for a change. You know the one—when a woman who is assertive and outspoken is characterized as a bitch, just because she knows what she likes and doesn’t like. 

When was it okay to allow society to portray a woman who is fiercely aligned with what she wants as a bitch? Sister, it never was. And it never should be! So let’s fucking get rid of it. 

Today’s episode is all about deconstructing this false narrative and stepping into your power, unafraid. From this breakthrough, I have been able to transform so much about how I go about my life, and I can’t wait to share that gift with you. 

Being a Bitch: What Society Has Taught Us About Being Outspoken 

“Why are you being a bitch?” … “Wow, she’s such a bitch.” I want you to think for a second about the first time you heard this phrase when someone was speaking their mind. For me, it was in middle school. I was only in 7th or 8th grade when I started to discern how society receives a person who is using their voice.  

 I remember this girl in my school who was loud, outspoken, and always shared exactly what was on her mind. And guess how she was perceived? You know it a “total bitch.” People were scared of her, didn’t know how to approach her. She was always very assertive with teachers, and they would punish her for speaking up.

I remember being envious of this girl and how she spoke her truth, but I didn’t want to do the same for myself. I didn’t want to be seen as a bitch! Who does? I didn’t want to always be worried about people talking behind my back or referring to me in a negative way. 

Moving on from that early experience into college and adult life, I continuously received the message that outspoken women are “bitchy.” I’m sure you have been exposed to the same kind of thing. The message was ingrained in my mentality, and I constantly lived my life thinking, “Well, if I speak up and speak loudly and share my opinion in a matter of fact way, people are going to talk about me behind my back.” And you and I both know being talked about behind your back is the absolute worst. 

Women aren’t the only ones guilty of labeling each other as bitches in this way. Men do it too! Think about when a woman is on TV, or being interviewed, or in a movie. If she is extremely confident and outspoken about what she wants, men in the media label her as a bitch. But there is a huge double standard here because men can do the same thing without receiving criticism for speaking their minds! 

For example, remember when Hilary Clinton was running for president? She is very assertive, so a lot of people talked about her in a really negative way when she shared her opinion. But if it was a man in politics sharing that exact same sentiment, what would the commentary be? “Wow, he’s really outspoken. He’s really confident.” Yeah, that’s really not okay. Women need to stop perpetuating the idea that a strong woman is a bitch, so men will follow suit.  

So this labeling thing is done on all sides, by men and women alike! It reared its ugly head in my life and my business. I want to share with you guys how I was able to turn that around and step into my role as a lightworker and a leader. 

How the Narrative on Being a Bitch Destroyed My Energy 

The societal “rules” that I learned in middle school about how I would be perceived if I spoke my mind carved a wound in me that I carried for a long time. I know so many of you are going to find yourself being mirrored in my journey. Sister, I hope you can heal with me through this journey. Because when I heal, you heal. And when you heal, I heal. We are a conscious collective. And when we heal, the world heals.

Okay, so let’s talk about what happened in my life and my business. It all really started because I have a lot of projects going on right now, which I am super hyped about and can’t wait to share with you! These projects required me to hire a couple of different independent contractors to do some one-off jobs for me.

So here I was balancing four or five different individual people working with their own teams. These people were all submitting different designs and other work, and they needed feedback from me about it. Everything was pending my response to complete the next steps.

As I was giving feedback, I found myself entering a place of anxiety and stress when opening emails and responding to them. I was immediately resorting to the sandwich technique, where you give positive affirmation, critique and feedback, and then positive affirmation. Sounds great, right? 

But the problem was that there was too much bread in the sandwich. I was making that bread really thick by being overly nice. And it was absolutely exhausting. I could feel it sapping all of my energy because I was pouring light and love and unicorns and rainbows into every little response when that wasn’t really necessary! 

I was giving my criticism and feedback in the most extra-loving way, with rainbows and unicorns and a cherry on top. It’s exhausting to even think about it! I found myself doing this constantly with everyone I’m was working with. And you all know my energy is incredibly high because I infuse my high-frequency, tangible energy into the work that I do. I put so much love positivity and energy and light into my work, and that’s why people want to work with me. 

But when I was putting all of that unicorn rainbow energy into a simple feedback email, it was too much. It made me feel like my projects were exhausting when they aren’t exhausting projects at all! So I started thinking to myself, “Why am I continuously sandwiching? Why do I feel the need to be over-the-top nice about every single bit of feedback?” I could so easily respond to these emails with a simple, “Hey I like this. I don’t like this. Can we fix this? I’m not vibing with this.” I kept thinking about why it was so hard for me to just get to the point. 

And then it hit me. You guys, it was a “Holy shit” moment. I thought, “Holy shit, I’m terrified of people thinking that I’m going to be a bitch.” All of the people I work with are referral based from friends and peers, and I was terrified of them thinking I was hard to work with! I realized this, and every cell in my body responded with resounding clarity. My soul was like “yes this is the answer,” It was expansive. 

So I leaned into this and asked myself “Okay, why am I so scared of being a bitch?” I traced it back to all those old wounds from middle school and high school, having girls talk about me behind my back. I had to replay all of those times my heart was broken when I found out my friends were saying that I talked too much, I shared my opinion too much, I was too much. 

And so I was being extra nice to people who just needed a simple feedback email because I was terrified that if I was too direct, they would think I’m a bitch. That I’m hard to work for. That my positive unicorn lightworker vibe wasn’t real. That’s the story I was telling myself. I was so scared of what they thought, and it prevented me from being able to say exactly what I want and what I don’t want!

You guys, how many of you right now are shaking your head thinking, “Wow. I do the same fucking thing.” Maybe it’s with your partner. Maybe with your friends. Maybe with your boss, your assistants, your team, or your community. Here’s the truth. We live in a society where it is seen as bad to be a woman who gets right to point, who is direct from a place of love but knows what she likes and doesn’t like. A society that tells her that being fiercely aligned with what she wants classifies her as a bitch. How messed up is that?

So I decided to turn the tables on that fear and release the negative energy I had centered around my interactions with people I worked with. I decided to get rid of the anxiety of how people perceived me and speak my truth. Sister, It’s totally possible to speak your truth from a place of love, but a place of direct confidence in what you want. That’s what I did. 

How I Turned the Tables on “Being a Bitch” in My Business  

I’m going to tell you two things that I have had to keep telling myself about this fear of judgment and being labeled a bitch. The first was a little hard to swallow. Here it is: Nobody cares as much about me as I think they do. It’s the truth for me, and it goes the same way for you. If you let this sink in, it will free you.

The second thing I had to tell myself is just as important: What people think about me is none of my fucking business. The people who work with me can receive what I share with them however they want, whether they are someone on my team or a contractor or a community or a friend. That’s none of my fucking business. If I provide feedback from a place of love, it’s not on me if they take it personally. 

Think about it this way. If someone takes it personally when I am coming from a place of love with my feedback and just being assertive and to-the-point, that reflects more about them than it does about me! Maybe they need to put a mirror up and ask themselves, “Wow. Taylor knows exactly what she wants. Why am I offended by that? Why is that triggering me? Where in my life am I not being assertive and speaking my truth?” 

My responsibility is to be fiercely aligned with my purpose and my mission. My responsibility does not include worrying and freaking out about how other people perceive me. Everything I communicate is from a place of love and alignment. And that’s all that matters to me. My mission is too big, too expansive, and too transformational to allow myself to waste energy on how people are going to perceive my leadership style. Period. That goes for you as well! 

Why You Should Commit to Changing the Narrative on Being a Bitch Right Now

So let’s get real right now. Are you scared of being told you’re a bitch or being talked about behind your back? Is that holding you back from being assertive and being able to say what you like and don’t like in a matter-of-fact way?

Or maybe you’re the person who’s talked about people behind their back. Maybe you’ve worked for someone who shared their opinion and was assertive and thought, “Wow, they are such a pain in the ass to work for.” Think about where you are coming from, what negative energy and wounds you may be carrying that cause you label someone this way. And then tell that energy to get the fuck out of your life, because you don’t need it holding you back. 

So can I get a commitment from you? I need a commitment that you will speak up. That you will be assertive in a loving way. You will share what you like and what you don’t like and get right to the point. You will disregard the fear of being a “bitch,” because you don’t have time to fucking dance around your goals. You don’t have time to put the abundant life you desire on hold because of an ancient lie society has fed you.  

When we all commit to speaking up, we are not only allowing ourselves to receive everything we desire. We are also changing the narrative in our society. We are not only changing ourselves and our sisters, but we are also changing the fucking world while manifesting everything we want. Talk about a win-win situation! 

We get to be lightworkers. We get to be spiritual leaders. We get to be healers, and guess what? We also get to make money and live the lifestyle that we want. And there’s nothing wrong with that. This is a win for everyone. This is a healing of the fucking planet. Mother nature is abundant. You are abundant. I am abundant. When we become lighter, energetically, physically, we become more abundant, and we get to inspire people to do the same. 

So please commit to doing this with me every day. Commit to refusing to buy into the idea that you are a “bitch” when you speak your truth from a place of love.  

As always, I see you. I love you. And remember to always choose happiness because, well, why the fuck not? 

In today’s episode you will learn: 

  • What the narrative on being a bitch is 
  • The lies that society has taught us about being outspoken 
  • How the narrative on being a bitch destroyed my energy 
  • The ways in which I turned the tables on “being a bitch” in my business
  • How you can deconstruct this false narrative and step into your power, unafraid.