Hey, sister! Welcome back to a Taylored Adventure to Happiness. If you are new, welcome! If you are a regular, I love ya, I love ya, I love ya!
The holidays are here! Can you feel it? Actually, let’s back that up real quick and think about this: How do you feel about the holidays? Are you counting down the days to picking out your tree or dreading all the days you’ll have to be with family? Once I started my self-development journey, the holidays became as stressful for me as they were exciting.
Even though I had learned to live in higher frequencies and evolved beyond my emotional eating habits, I would revert to my pre-evolved self at family gatherings. I left those events feeling discouraged, and it took days to get myself back into higher frequencies. It doesn’t have to be that way for you, sister.
As I’ve continued on this self-development journey, I gathered a few tools that help me stay high-vibe during family gatherings. These tools have also helped me have a positive impact on my family without coming across as arrogant. Today, I’m sharing them with you!
I originally shared this message in late 2019, but I’m bringing it back because I think keeping your vibes up this year could be extra challenging. Between COVID-19, BLM marches, and the elections, opinions and emotions tend to be strong and loud. In this post, I’m going to give you my two favorite tools to protect your energy and a simple way to positively influence the lives of your family members without being preachy.
If you’re ready to navigate drama at your family gatherings like a beam of love and gratitude without reverting to your pre-evolved self, keep reading!
Allow Awareness of Your Tendencies
I was the youngest in my family for a really long time. Even though I had done a lot of inner work, they always saw me as the baby of the family. Part of this was my fault because every time I was with my family, I would mirror how they wanted me to show up, and they never got to see my elevated self. Instead of owning my new way of existing and taking responsibility for it, I would slip right back into the old me and confirm everything they thought.
It was so frustrating because I so deeply wanted my family to appreciate the work I was doing on myself and in my online business. But here’s the thing, when we do this type of work — listening to podcasts, taking courses, joining masterminds — it’s our responsibility to stay in an elevated state. The self-development world is actually a really small bubble. When you’re in the bubble, it feels huge. But only a tiny fraction of the billions of people who exist are willing to double down and commit to improving their life by changing their thinking.
That means, if we are around people with lower vibrations, we cannot shift down to their level. We must protect our energy and stay high vibe. The first step to this is becoming aware of our tendencies to revert to our old selves. So, I want you to ask yourself this question, “When I go back home for the holidays or hang out with old friends from high school, do I tend to become anxious or accidentally act like the old version of myself?”
Next, I want you to identify how that old self of yours behaves. The old self I retreated to for four years was an emotional eater. At family gatherings, I assumed that they were judging me for having an online business instead of giving me a chance to show them who I really was. As a result, I leaned into food to numb my anxiety.
Finally, all I want you to do is be aware of your tendency. Just sit with it, meditate on it, journal through it — whatever it takes to acknowledge that this is who you were, but it’s not who you are today. If you need to reach for food right now to comfort you, by all means, do it. I’m not a “cold turkey” kind of person, especially when it comes to emotional eating.
I just want you to become aware of your tendencies, understand that it’s where you’re at in your journey, and commit to taking responsibility for your high-vibe state.
Visualize How You Are Going to Show Up
One of the things Michael Phelps talked about a lot after his incredible performance in the 2008 Olympics was his race preparation. Michael Phelps explained that he would watch himself go through all the motions of winning before his races. He visualized himself walking up to the blocks, diving into the water, effortlessly moving through the water, and winning! 12 years later, we still know who Michael Phelps is — the most decorated Olympian.
I want you to use this same technique and pre-visualize how you will show up at family gatherings this holiday season. When you visualize yourself doing something, you’re creating a new neural pathway in your brain as if it already happened. Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between something that actually happened and something you imagined happening. So, let’s take advantage of this superpower and tell ourselves how we’re going to show up before we’ve even arrived.
Start by imagining yourself driving to wherever the family gathering is. See the clothes you’re wearing and the familiar sites you pass on your way. Now I want you to visualize yourself walking up to the house you were driving to. As you walk through that door, make sure you’re your highest self with no piece of your old habits hanging on.
Watch yourself walk through that door with your shoulders back and your heart open. Don’t let your shoulders curve in over your heart. That’s a natural response for many of us when we feel afraid or uncomfortable, but that’s not the posture of leading with confidence and love. Instead, roll your shoulders back. Open your heart to everything good and enter the house emanating with loving high-vibe energy. Smile, make eye contact, and commit to approaching everyone from a place of love.
Now, I want you to imagine yourself in a tough conversation with a family member. Imagine the feelings of your old self coming back, shoulders rolling in, and wounds coming to the surface. As soon as you recognize, these feelings take a deep breath. Roll your shoulders back and exhale. Choose to step back into their highest self and remember that you are healed. You have nothing to prove. Your only job is to love.
In case you still don’t know what to think of this visualization technique, let me share another study with you. Two groups of kids were studied. One group practiced shooting basketball hoops every day. The second group only visualized shooting hoops every day. At the end of the study, both groups shot hoops. The second group — the kids who had pictured themselves shooting hoops but never physically done it — only shot one eighth less accurately than the group who had been practicing every day.
This proves that we don’t need to be physically present in a situation to set ourselves up for success. You can mentally set yourself up for success before you ever set foot on the blocks, basketball court, or the front steps leading to your family gathering. So, I’m challenging you today to take advantage of your subconscious superpower by pre-planning the way you’re the highest-self will show up this holiday season!
Conserve Your High Vibes
Whenever I visit my family, I mentally prepare to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I tell myself things like, “I really hope that so-and-so is finally a little less negative and that this person has hopped out of victim mode.” While I meant well with this approach, it caused me a lot of heartbreak and frustration when people wouldn’t live up to the assumptions or hopes I had for them. I just couldn’t understand why people couldn’t get their act together and be nice!
This would ignite a judgemental train of thought, and before I knew it, my energy frequencies had dropped. Now when I’m in these situations, I still hope my family members will have changed, but if they haven’t, I repeat a specific phrase to myself that protects my energy. The phrase is this: At least they’re consistent. See, one of my core values is consistency — be who you say you’re going to be. So, when someone I was hoping would be more positive than the last time I saw them is still negative, I just tell myself, “Well, at least they’re consistent.”
Instead of being disappointed in someone, this phrase helps me stay elevated and appreciate the person for who they are. I can even laugh about it to myself, “So-and-so might still be negative, but, I guess, they’ve got consistency going for them.” I no longer feel the need to yell, prove my point, and try to change the way my family thinks. This is a good thing because as badly as we want to help our loved ones, we cannot change them. The best thing we can do is stop wasting our energy and precious time being disappointed in them. Disappointment is a low frequency, and, sister, we ain’t got time for that!
We can’t choose our family, but we can choose how we show up in the situation. We can choose to be the light and express gratitude whenever we can, hoping that God uses us to be a positive influence in the lives of our loved ones. And that, lovely soul, is one of the most powerful gifts of all.
Set the Example of High-Vibe Energy
Hurt people hurt people. But some hurt people — people like you and me — do the hard work of healing so that we can be light and comfort to others who are still hurting. You can do this by simply reminding someone of how much you appreciate them. Whenever I feel that I’m with someone who is in a low frequency like complaining or chronic comparison, I remind them of the goodness they bring into my life. It immediately shifts the energy.
As I wrap up this post, I want to celebrate you for the hard work of growth that you have accomplished. I know that you may not feel like a leader in many ways, but I need you to embrace that truth today. Being a leader does not mean you are preachy and rubbing your high-vibe ways in other people’s faces. It means you take responsibility for your energy and protect it so that you can show up as your highest self.
Showing up as your highest self is leading. It’s leading by example and gently demonstrating to your loved ones what’s possible. Go show them how beautiful and freeing it is to live from a place of overflowing love and gratitude!
You are a fucking magical human being. Don’t let anyone — even your family — tell you otherwise!
Thank you for spending your time with me today, sister. If these tools helped you feel a little less stressed about upcoming family gatherings, please share this with your friends — you’re not the only one who experiences tension during the holiday season. And who knows, maybe one of your family members will stumble on this post! So, take a screenshot of this and share it on Instagram. Tag me, @iamtaylorsimpson, and let me know which tool you’re most excited to try!
I love you. I see you. And, don’t forget to choose happiness because, well, why the fuck not?
+ It’s our job to stay in this elevated state and keep that mindset
+ You have to approach others with love and a high vibe
+ We can feel good or bad energy from other people and react to it
+ Why would you want to go down to some else’s level if you have an elevated level of life?
+ I´m creating a new habit of good vibes instead of bad vibes in my life
+ Do you tend to act like you used to when you return to a familiar environment?
+ The subconscious doesn’t know if something already happened or it will happen
“We don’t even have to be in a situation physically to already set ourselves for success.”