Self-Love vs. Self-Care + Changing the Story around Failure with Paul Fishman : Episode 229


Hi sister! Welcome back to another episode of a Taylored Adventure to Happiness. If you are new, welcome! If you are a regular, you know I love you! 

Today, we’re going to talk about something that I think is essential to living a #AbudantAF life, and that’s the difference between self-love and self-care. Especially right now, while we’re still in the middle of this pandemic, it is so vital to fucking love yourself for exactly who you are! Your light is beautiful, and it deserves to be nourished every day. 

Today, I have the incredibly popular self-love expert Paul Fishman with me today to explain the difference between self-love and self-care and how you can practice self-love every day!

We’re also going to talk about failure, which is a difficult thing to talk about! We all experience failure, whether it’s in a relationship or with a launch for your business. But again, my dear friend Paul has plenty of wisdom to share. He goes deep, allows himself to be vulnerable, and shares some stories about failures he’s experienced in life and the lessons we can all take from them.

This is a fucking magical episode, y’all. Paul Fishman is one of the best and most inspiring coaches out there, and I am so excited that he shared his wisdom with all of us today! He brings humor and honesty that I know you’ll find encouraging. His wisdom and genius will definitely empower you to shift your mindset toward self-love and help you live a #AbundantAF life! So with that, let’s dive into today’s interview with Paul Fishman!

Who Is Paul Fishman?

Paul Fishman is a fucking magical individual. He’s a self-love coach and a business mentor with a lot of light to shine!

But for a long time, Paul really struggled with self-love. He was a self-professed people-pleaser, and for 25 years, he thought that prioritizing other people’s needs before nourishing his own light would bring him the happiness and abundance he craved.

But today, Paul is here to say that he was WRONG! Now, he brings a strong message of self-love and true happiness. He has found his soul purpose in mentoring women who are on a journey to self-discovery and true self-love. As his website says, “Self-love is the best medicine.” (And seriously, you guys should check out his website here if you’re interested in more!)

Paul is growing a successful coaching business, where he mentors strong women and helps them find success in business and relationships as well as personal joy and fulfillment. He also runs the Worthiness Workshop, a digital event that helps women just like you discover their hidden sources of shame and believe in their own worthiness! Paul is so good at fostering a beautiful community centered around self-love, and that’s something we all need to be a part of!

I am so grateful to Paul for sharing his time and wisdom with us today! He’s a magical person, and I have loved having the opportunity to honor his light and learn from him. His definition of an abundant life is beautiful:

“Living in abundance is the understanding that you are exactly where you’re meant to be and everything you have, you have manifested. … Life is happening for you.” – Paul Fishman

Do you want to live that kind of abundant life? Are you ready to accept that you are exactly where you’re meant to be? If you want to learn how to love yourself, honor your failures, and let your light shine as bright as it can, read on!

Self-Love vs. Self-Care

So what exactly is self-love? Paul breaks it down and gives a simple, beautiful definition:

“If we break apart the two pieces of the word, self is the individual and love is devotion. So self-love is the devotion to your individuality.” – Paul Fishman

It’s that simple. Self-love is devotion to yourself exactly as you are in the moment.

But self-love is also a practice. It’s something you need to engage in every single day to nourish your soul. And there are so many ways to practice self-love! Here’s how Paul practices it in his own life:

“For me, it’s like zero pressure. Zero pressure is really all about self-love. Like no pressure to wake up at a certain time, no pressure to do a work-out, meditation, journaling, all these things before I start my day, whatever my day looks like. … It’s like … being flowy and open and compassionate and understanding that like, if I don’t want to do something right now, it’s not because I’m busy, it’s because it doesn’t feel right.” – Paul Fishman

I love that practice of “zero pressure.” Being compassionate to yourself and allowing yourself to flow through your day naturally is essential to living a life of alignment and abundance.

How do you engage in self-love? Self-love could be anything! Do you like to journal? Does waking up early and preparing yourself a healthy breakfast fill up your cup? I’ve talked about this before, so many of you know that for me, part of my self-love practice is my three-hour morning routine (which I talk about in detail on Episode 225!) And I have experienced guilt about starting my workday at 11 AM, but I know that it is important to have that time to really nourish myself and show myself some love before I start my day. Whatever your self-love practice, is, make it a priority to do it every single day!

But don’t confuse self-love with self-care. Here’s an example that really clearly shows the difference:

“So there’s two different ways to paint your nails. … You can paint your nails with the, ‘Oh my gosh, I look so disgusting without my nails painted.’ … Or you can paint your nails with that, ‘I’m so grateful that I have time to do this for myself. … I love this color on me. It really makes me feel good. It makes me feel empowered.’ … The first piece was self-destructive. There was no self-love in your self-care practice. The second was self-care with self-love.” – Paul Fishman

There is nothing wrong with self-care. It’s good to paint your nails! But if there’s not self-love behind it, your self-care practice isn’t going to get you anywhere. It’s not going to give your soul the nourishment it needs! So make sure that when you practice self-care you’re also practicing self-love at the same time.

Shift Your Mindset to Learn From Your Failures

So how can we use the principle and practice of self-love to overcome failure? We all experience failure, but the crucial thing is to shift our mindset. We have to love ourselves enough and have enough compassion for ourselves to learn from our failures.

As awesome as Paul is, he’s experienced his share of failure! Back in January, he had a big launch for his business. He put a lot of work and time and energy into the launch; it was supposed to be a six-figure launch with 5,000 people joining the program. Instead, it brought in $5,000 when only 25 people joined.

Paul could have let that failure defeat him, but he didn’t. He continued to practice self-love, and realize that the results he got were exactly what he needed.

“… I traveled forward, and I realized that that was all its purpose. It was all me also getting the opportunity, like, I would have been overwhelmed if 500 people had joined my program, but because only 25 people joined, I was able to like do it on my own. … It feels really good to be able to look back at that and be like, ‘that wasn’t a failure.’” – Paul Fishman

We get to learn from our failures. Paul was initially disappointed that his launch didn’t go as he’d envisioned, but then he realized something important about himself. Running a program that serves 500 people just isn’t where Paul is in his life. That’s not who he is right now. Paul works best when he can have a one-on-one connection with somebody, so having a small group of clients allows him to fulfill his soul’s purpose right now and empower the women he works with as well as he can.

You’re on Your Own Journey

So many of us experience failure because we compare ourselves to others. I see this a lot in clients and other professional women, especially when they think about posting on social media. So many women say things like, “I really want to share my truth on social media, but I feel like I’m going to face criticism for that.”

Paul is here to empower you and other women who feel that way. You have permission to step outside the boxes society tried to keep you in and share your truth with the world.

“And what I’m challenging you to do — and I tell my clients to go — is to get rid of the boxes and to get rid of this thought process that what someone says about you is true, is true. It’s only true if it is, and you don’t want them to decide that. So if you’re posting something on social media … that feels so true and right for you, but you’re scared of what other people are going to think, then I’m really going to encourage you to post it because … it’s true to you, and that’s all that matters.” – Paul Fishman

If you feel like you’ve failed because you’re not at the same exact place in your life and career as someone else, I have good news for you: You are absolutely fine, sister. Just like Paul did, you have to realize that living in alignment for yourself and according to your soul’s purpose is all that matters, and it takes self-love to get to that place of acceptance and the realization that you’re on your own journey.

How Can You Love Yourself Today?

I hope you found this episode encouraging, sister. Remember, to practice self-love! Be fully devoted to the individual that you are. Whether you practice self-love through painting your nails, working out, journaling, meditating, or anything else, make sure that those practices are part of your daily routine. And make sure you’re not confusing self-love with self-care. If you’re going through self-care without any love behind it, you’re not nourishing your soul. Make sure that you are treating yourself with love, devotion, and compassion.

Remember also that you are a Lightworker, and you have a unique purpose. Sometimes you will fail, but that’s okay! Remember to have compassion for yourself. You are on your own journey — not someone else’s. Your truth has to come from you, and if it’s your truth, it’s worth sharing.

Thank you for joining me today! If you loved this episode and you want to connect more with Paul, there are plenty of ways to do that. You can visit his website, where you can learn more about his coaching program and his Worthiness Workshop. You can also connect with Paul on Instagram, @paulfishman. If you’re ready to love yourself more and strive toward a life of abundance, Paul is a wonderful person to reach out to!

I’ll catch you all next time. Practice loving yourself today! And remember to choose happiness — because, well, why the fuck not?


In Today Episode You Will Learn:

  • Are you doing self-care with love?
  • Brining self-love into your self-care
  • Operating from a place that’s true to you
  • Falling into comparisonitis
  • Evaluating your “failed” launches
  • Working with your ego to keep you grounded
  • Tapping into your feminine energy
  • Making decisions from scarcity
  • Reframing what you say to yourself and to others
  • How to harness your message from a place of self-love & impact