3 Ways to Begin Healing Sexual Shame : Episode 275

Hi sister! Welcome back to another episode of a Taylored Adventure to Happiness. If you are new, welcome! If you’re a regular, I love ya, I love ya, I love ya!”

Today, we’re talking about one of the most powerful forces in the universe — sexual energy. Specifically, we’re talking about how this potent energy affects us when wrapped up in shame. 

We’ll discuss the negative narratives we may have about sex, where they come from, and how to liberate ourselves from them. In addition, we’ll cover how experiences from our past can linger in our sacral chakra (our seat of creativity and joy) and lower our light. The sacral chakra is the source of so much manifesting power — trust me when I say that it’s worth keeping it energetically clear.

Of course, this can be a very tender, heavy topic, so I invite you to be mindful of your experience as you read this. If you feel very triggered or upset, please consider working with a counselor. If you’re dealing with trauma, depression, or any other distressing psychological symptoms, it is so worth it to get support from a qualified mental health professional.

I will say that it’s a touchy subject for everyone. I’ve worked with so many women who struggle with sexual shame. What woman is free from society’s conditioning around our sexual expression? Not many.

So whether you’ve struggled with setting boundaries, found yourself having obligation sex, or felt ashamed of your body, know that you’re not alone. Let’s figure this out as a sister collective and start liberating our inner goddesses.

Why Heal Your Sexual Shame?

How does the word sexuality make you feel? Does it make you feel heavy, icky, uncomfortable, or boxed up? Does it make you feel expansive? Excited, alive, or sexy? Just think about that. The word sexuality itself is so potent.

And now think about the frequency that your version of the word sexuality carries. If it’s a word that’s wrapped up in shame, guilt, and sadness, then that is the vibration you’re carrying around within you. That’s not to say that that’s bad — please don’t feel shame about shame. It’s neutral, but think about that frequency and how it’s affecting you. If you have the word shame wrapped up in the word sexuality and the vibration of shame wrapped up in the word sexuality, you are carrying that around with you every day.

It doesn’t have to be conscious. Our energy fields contain information that’s subconscious as well as conscious, so in this very sneaky way, this low vibration in your field is doing what vibrations do — attract. So, in this case, you’re attracting other people, places, opportunities that match the vibration of shame. Not good right?

You could have a high vibe during the day and be filled with gratitude, but there’s still that part of you that’s operating at that lower vibration. Think of it this way — if you have a capacity of 100%, and 30% of your capacity is filled with sexual shame, that means that you’re only showing up at 70% of a high vibrational state. You’re not operating at your maximum level; you’re operating at 70% capacity when it comes to attracting opportunities, people, money, and more good things.

Not only that, but sexual shame lives in the sacral chakra, which is the most potent area of a woman’s energy body. Women create from here, whether it’s creative ideas, new concepts, businesses, or babies. It’s also a center for joy, pleasure, and sensuality.

So if you’re not already motivated to heal your sexual shame because, well, it’s not fun to carry it around, then think about whether you want to operate below the level you really deserve.

Where Does Sexual Shame Come From?

Before I go on, I want to invite you to be gentle with yourself. Please be kind to yourself because we all have healing to do in our sacral chakras. I know I did. I grew up in a very conservative household where sex was just not talked about in a positive way. My parents — God bless them — had the best intentions. They were doing the best they could with the information they had. But I learned from them that sex was for marriage and that self-pleasure was bad. So I’ve had to do a lot of deconditioning work around that.

In college, I rebelled against that earlier attitude without awareness, which led to my using my body to get men’s attention and approval. I can’t even count on my fingers how many times I let my body be used. And I own that now with no shame, but if there is shame for you, we’re going to unpack that.

I didn’t know that my womb and sexuality were sacred — I definitely didn’t refer to my sexual body at that time as a “womb space.” I was very disconnected from how sacred it is. And like many other women, I had obligation sex. We often feel we have to have sex when we don’t want to, and guess what, that’s a form of self-abuse. 

When we go against our own needs, such as the need to feel fully safe, ready, and open to connect, we’re engaging in a form of self-abandonment. This communicates to us that we can’t trust ourselves. Of course, all of this lowers our energy and keeps us in a heavy vibration. But as we heal our shame, our vibration rises, we clear away emotional debris, and communicating boundaries gets easier.

Deprogram from Old Stories

We’re going to go through the old stories you have about your sexuality, find out where they came from, and release them. 

On a piece of paper, put two lines down the middle to make three columns. At the top of the left column, write “unaligned stories.” You can even say “unaligned stories around sex” or “unaligned situations around sex.” At the top of the middle column, write “who it came from,” and in the right column, write “new aligned story.”

In the left column, you’re going to brain dump every story, model behavior, situation, everything you’ve ever been told or heard or saw around sex. This could be that sex is bad, that it’s shameful, that masturbation is a sin, that you’re only supposed to have sex to have kids, that you’re too fat to be sexy, and so on. 

Or maybe it’s that you aren’t pretty enough to be a sexy goddess. It doesn’t have to be around sex itself but even sexuality. It could be that you have to have this perfect-looking vagina in order to be a sexual goddess. Or that showing your skin in public is just a sign of needing attention. 

What are all the stories that you’ve heard that just don’t feel good? The ones that are low vibration, like a weight you’re carrying? This is where I like to give the analogy of the wagon. We’re all carrying a wagon behind us, filled with all kinds of baggage, and the goal is to have fewer and fewer things in our wagon so we can move through this life with joy.

Now, in the middle column, you’re going to write who gave you each of those stories. You might see that your mom gave you one, the church gave you one, porn represented one, or society told you one. They could have come from your ex-boyfriend or your ex-husband. And then think about the frequency of that story that you’ve put in your wagon. You are carrying the frequency of the person, thing, society, government, or church within you.

Now, on to the best part — releasing the story (mentally and inwardly) and giving it back so that you can create a new story. So consciously examine these stories and then imagine that you can give it back. It’s important to go slow, especially if you have a lot to unpack. Really take your time with each one. 

With each one, say in your mind: “I love you. I see you. I honor you. And I don’t need this anymore.” This is so important. It’s not about blame or anger. It’s about acknowledging and releasing so that you can feel lighter and freer. That’s when you forgive people, you have breakthroughs, and you release things. You feel this energetically lighter because you physically took the energy out of your wagon.

Now, what’s your new story? Could it be: “I love knowing that I’m learning to love my body. I love my Yoni and the way it is. I freaking pushed a beautiful human out of it.” Or, “I deserve pleasure and I deserve to enjoy my body and my life, without anyone else’s approval.” 

What do you want to create, sister?

Lighten Up

This is a super fun step.

We’ve emptied the wagon of the truths we learned from other people. Now it’s time to look at our own. And we’re going to bring the power of play to transmute anything heavy into something more light and fun.

The divine feminine — that sexual goddess inside you —  is playful. She’s light. She doesn’t get all up in her head; she’s in her body. She’s silly and goes with the flow.

So let’s say you have your own story around using sex toys with your husband. In your story, he is totally averse to the idea because it makes him feel inadequate and uncomfortable. And this might be totally true — he might be uncomfortable if you approach it with all your nervousness.

But what if you took a playful and lighthearted approach? What if instead of going into a heavy conversation with a lot of expectations, you brought it up like this: “Hey babe. So, I was watching a video on sex toys, and I would love for you and I to have fun with this and just be silly with it and see if we like it. And if we don’t like it, awesome, we won’t do it again.”

Or, let’s say your story is that you can’t pleasure yourself for whatever reason. Well, instead of getting totally intimidated by it, you could have fun with it. You could approach it like this:  

“I’m going to get a Yoni egg because I hear they’re really helpful. And I’m just going to try this out. I’m going to have fun. I’m going to put on some pretty music, light some candles, put some oils on my body and just have a good time and see where it goes.”

Do you see how we shifted the energy from heavy into light? How we also opened up the sacral chakra? We go from the dense vibration of shame right up into the lightness of your heart. A blocked sacral chakra is getting wrapped up in your head, having shame, and having doubt.  The opposite is being silly, being fun, dancing, and playing.

Weed Your Garden

Ok, so if our yoni is a garden, what are all these weeds doing here?

You know who I’m talking about … those past lovers whose energy still lingers within you. Whether it was an old boyfriend or a one-night stand, we carry the energy of the men we sleep with within us.

Now, many women, myself included, have had sex that didn’t feel great to us. Obligation sex, angry sex, or manipulation sex. Maybe we’ve experienced abuse or just had sex with someone who wasn’t a nice person. Some of these experiences could really warrant a deeper dive with a mental health professional if you feel called to do that.

We don’t want Billy Bob (who wasn’t a nice person) to be sprouting roots in our garden. And that weed over there, George, has been living here and isn’t paying any rent. So we’re going to say goodbye to all these people and their energies for good. 

It’s super important to do this because if these energies carry a highly dense, negative vibration, that can really harm your health. It can actually lead to disease. Not only that, but these weeds are also blocking your ability to receive. So your finances are affected, as is your throat chakra, your self-expression, and authority. 

I have a number of ways for you to weed the garden. It’s about intention, so you can use a meditation or a visualization to imagine giving their energies back to them. You may choose to use techniques such as energy cord-cutting, visualization, or energy work. I personally love using a Yoni egg or a Yoni wand to clear out the energy because you can literally feel the crystalized, dense areas where the energy materialized. 

Do you need to remember everyone’s name or even their face? No! It’s important that you just go through the process and intention. You can say “You’re not welcome here” to any energy you sense and want to be free of.

Sexual Healing Has Many Amazing Results

I can honestly say that healing our sexuality can work wonders in our lives in very tangible ways. I’ve seen women who had wacky cycles all their lives suddenly have a normal cycle for the first time. Or women who had never been able to conceive suddenly get pregnant.

On an emotional and psychic level though, it just frees up so much more energy. When we’re affected by external or internal negative energies, it affects every other aspect of our lives and our power. It affects all of our chakras. So if you’re having difficulty with self-expression, or living your truth, or finding your purpose, chances are you have some work to do here. When you heal this area, you become a magnet. And when you heal, I heal, we all heal.

I’m so happy to support you in this. You are so welcome to join our community and to feel the love from other women who are committed to healing themselves and each other. 

I hope this message hits home for you! If it did, let me know on Instagram! Tag me, @iamtaylorsimpson, and let me know how you’re healing your sexual shame. 

I’m humbled and grateful to spend time with you. Cheers to healing our sexuality and our whole beings. And remember — Always choose happiness because, well, why the fuck not?