Creating Life on Your Own Terms with Amber Lilyestrom : Episode 266


Hello, lovely soul! Welcome back to another episode of A Taylored Adventure to Happiness. If you are new, welcome! If you are a regular, I love ya, I love ya, I love ya! 

Before we dive into today’s message, I want you to take a deep breath, hold it for a second and exhale, long and slow. Give yourself permission to be present with yourself at this moment. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” Let whatever feelings come up be exactly what they are, and notice them.

If any of your feelings make you feel like you’re behind in life, I want you to ask yourself this question, “How far have I come? What have I learned or accomplished in the last twelve months?” These are important questions to ask because sometimes — oftentimes — we fall behind when we’re only looking ahead and forget to give ourselves credit for what we already did. 

There also tend to be a lot of lessons we can apply if we choose to reflect on what we’ve already accomplished. This is something today’s guest talks a lot about. Amber Lilyestrom is a long-time friend who is joining me to discuss lessons she learned from 2020 that are serving her well in 2021.

In today’s conversation, she shares a beautiful and eye-opening analogy about the importance of living in a state of flow and relaxation. She also candidly talks about her journey with endometriosis, IVF, and the boundaries she’s had to overcome to establish doctors who protect her energy. 

If you’ve needed a kind friend to understand the difficulty of your journey but also give you a gentle kick in the pants to fight for yourself, I think you’re going to LOVE this message. 

Let’s get started!

Who Is Amber Lilyestrom?

Amber Lilyestrom is first and foremost a devoted mom and grateful wife who daily lives in awe of the work she gets to do, which creates boundless joy and freedom for herself and those she serves. 

Professionally, she is a branding strategist and business coach. She helps entrepreneurs bring their dreams to life by helping them develop themselves as confident individuals. She believes that while a good logo and launch plan are great, the best brand is one that oozes from your soul with impeccable authenticity. She is also the author of Master Your Money Mindset and podcast host of The Amber Lilyestrom Show.

Amber poured out such a wealth of wisdom and compassion in today’s conversation that there were countless moments I felt like I was in church. Amber doesn’t hold back. She shares the hard and messy parts of her life as well as the valuable lessons she learned in these same situations. 

I’m so excited for you to receive this message because I know it will challenge and empower you to intentionally live from a place of flow and receive everything that’s meant for you.

The Question You Need to Ask Yourself when Reflecting on 2020

I think a lot of us are still unpacking 2020. 2021 didn’t usher in the ease, freedom, and normalcy that many of us had hoped it would. For some of us, like Amber, 2021 has actually been more challenging than 2020. It’s in moments like these that the questions we ask in reflection can empower us to step into the next version of ourselves.

When Amber shared with me the question she’s asking herself, I knew it was one I would be adding to my reflection time.

“[In] 2021, we have just been given so many invitations to really look at everything and to look at our orientation to life — our relationship[s], the stories, and the beliefs that we’ve carried. … And I think I’m looking at time very different and really saying, ‘Am I lined up for my life?’” – Amber Lilyestrom

When Amber walked into 2021, she walked into her dad unexpectedly getting very sick. He was a super athletic man, and suddenly he was in the hospital. While he eventually recovered, that experience rocked Amber’s world. Shortly after that, Amber and her husband started IVF treatments. Amber said she recently joked with a friend that everything she learned in 2020 was actually required to get her through 2021.

“Remember all that stuff that [you learned in 2020]? Now you’re going to actually execute on it. Like now you’re actually going to have your feet to the fire, like, ‘Enough of this. It’s go-time!’” – Amber Lilyestrom

If you feel like you’ve been hit by a million things in 2021 forcing you to take an honest look at your inner self and dig your heels in, you’re not alone. I think many of us are being faced with the opportunity to live out what we learned in 2020. This is your permission slip to be gentle with yourself, a reminder that you are not alone, and kick in the pants not to give up!

Why You Need to Live Relaxed Instead of Rigid

Before we jump into the next lesson Amber learned from 2020, you need a little back story on her journey. Amber had endometriosis in her twenties and was blessed with a daughter at 31 through IUI fertility treatments. 

For the last several years, Amber and her husband have tried to have another child. Even though doctors kept telling Amber she had a diminished egg count because of endometriosis, Amber didn’t feel ready to, as she said, “Pull the IVF ripcord.” It wasn’t until she recalled the lesson 2020 taught her about holding onto her dreams loosely without letting go that she decided to start IVF treatments.

“I think that if 2020 gave us anything, it was the invitation to [hold our desires loosely while not letting go] — to say, ‘What is my actual real vision for my life? And how do I start driving in the direction of it, not death gripping the wheel?’” – Amber Lilyestrom

Amber wanted to get pregnant again without IVF. When she realized how important her desire to have another child was, she was willing to recalibrate her life and actions to line up with what she most wanted. Amber called this being ‘relaxed instead of rigid.’ 

She explained this by sharing a story she heard from a friend. One of her friend’s extended family members, we’ll call her Tricia, was traveling in a car with a bunch of other family members. Eventually, Tricia fell asleep. While she was asleep, there was a collision, and the car was totaled. Everyone who was awake got injured. But Tricia — the one who fell asleep — was the only uninjured passenger. Amber said it was because Tricia was the only person who was relaxed when the collision happened.

“[The uninjured passenger] was not holding tight. Her body wasn’t rigid, waiting for impact. And I just think that’s such a beautiful analogy. It mirrors, for me, [walking] into 2021. And I will tell you that from the first day that they started me … on actual drugs to be in the hormonal sphere that I need to be in [for IVF], I had a stiff neck and upper back and shoulders. [It was] debilitating.” – Amber Lilyestrom

Amber explained that it wasn’t until she identified how she was still white-knuckling the way she wanted things to go that her stiffness and pain began to subside. Lovely soul, here’s what I hope you get from this: The things you desire most in life, desire to be yours. But that doesn’t mean the way you want them to happen is the way they’re meant to happen.

If there’s something you’ve wanted for a long time, take a step back and honor the desire. Now, ask yourself, “Am I white-knuckling the way I want this desire to happen? What are other ways this desire might be able to come into fruition in my life?” Intentionally look for ways to hold onto what you want most while being flexible about how and when it will come to be!

Remember, the Universe is on your side, but more often than not, you have to be relaxed to receive everything she has for you!

What Happens When You Remove Irrelevant Energy from your Life

Even after we’ve acknowledged that we’re white-knuckling our way to what we want, it can be hard to shift into a relaxed state. Amber said she was able to make this shift after doing deep work within herself. Amber said this inner work is important because we’re often rigid in our approach when we’re trying to protect ourselves.

“We have to go beyond what’s seen, and we have to let ourselves acknowledge the places where we’re still protecting [ourselves] — where we’re still performing, where we’re still restricting and constricting ourselves — and be honest and vulnerable and do the ugly cry [thing].” – Amber Lilyestrom

Once you’ve gotten honest and vulnerable about the things in yourself you’re protecting and/or limiting, it’s time to move through it, get support, and ask yourself the question Amber asks herself: 

“Why am I jumping through these hoops? And why am I trying to like, nail the landing and say the perfect words and follow these formulas [like it’s a game]? … There’s no game. Okay?” – Amber Lilyestrom

Sister, let that sink in for a moment! THERE IS NO GAME. Stop trying to nail the landing. Don’t jump through the hoops unless you really want to, or the hoops are directly connected to something you really want! In other words, live intentionally and do the things that align with your highest self and the most abundant vision of your life. 

One of the hoops that Amber dealt with in life was limiting when she would see her doctor. After she got her IVF treatment schedule, she felt like it was finally real, but every time she met with the doctor, he kept reminding her how limited her eggs were. As she was journaling one day, Amber realized meeting with her doctor wasn’t adding to her strength, it was actually draining it. 

“I was writing a poetry piece the other day, and one of the lines I wrote was ‘Soften into strengths.’ It just felt so relevant … because I’ve never felt more like a mama lion, [embodying the] energy of that divine feminine strength. And that clarity of just like, ‘Nope, not talking to that guy, because he’s going to say stuff … that’s not helpful to me. … I appreciate him, but we’re not doing that because he’s not on my level energetically,’ [helped me so much!]” – Amber Lilyestrom

I love how Amber curated and protected her energy in this way! Powerful things happen, sister, when we take responsibility for our own energy and the energy we allow other people to pour into us. So, before we go on, take a moment to identify any hoops you’re jumping through that aren’t directly connected to what you want in life. Amber calls these hoops “monkey business.”

“It’s [time to have] radical personal responsibility, ladies, for how we need to support ourselves. [Start asking yourself], ‘Where is there monkey business still happening?’” – Amber Lilyestrom

No more monkeying around. Take radical responsibility for your personal support, lovely soul, and limit the energy that doesn’t support your highest self! Just because someone has a fancy title or degree doesn’t mean you have to allow them to bring pessimistic energy into your world or your dreams. You are a goddess, and you are allowed to protect your divine energy. 

Why You Need to Listen to this Amber Lilyestrom Podcast Episode Right Now…

What Amber shared with us today was fucking magical. I feel like we could talk for four or five hours and still not run out of energy or epic content to talk about. If you enjoyed what you received today, make sure you listen to the full episode where we unpacked imposter syndrome and how to overcome it. We also dove deeper into Amber’s journey with infertility and IVF. You’ll also learn the number one reason you need to stop avoiding deep inner work! 

Make sure you connect with Amber on Instagram so you can get more of her goodness into your life! Check out her podcast, The Amber Lilyestrom Show. You can learn more about her and the work she does on her website. And don’t forget to grab a copy of her book, Master Your Money Mindset.

If this spoke to you, please pass it on by taking a screenshot of this and sharing it on Instagram. Tag us both — Amber, @amberlilyestrom, and me, @iamtaylorsimpson — and let us know what you enjoyed most! Lastly, if you have an extra three minutes, please subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts (if you haven’t already) and leave a review. Reviews are the most powerful way to help new listeners find this magical goodness!

Thank you so much for sharing your time with me today! I’m truly honored that I get to share this lifetime with you. 

Cheers to living a magical life! And, as always, don’t forget to choose happiness, because, well, why the fuck not?!


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In Today’s Episode You Will Learn:  

  • The importance of living in a state of flow and relaxation
  • Why it’s okay to set boundaries with doctors to protect your energy
  • Amber’s journey with endometriosis and IVF
  • The question you need to ask yourself when reflecting on 2020
  • What happens when you remove irrelevant energy from your life